As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Today many of us in the United States will sit around our tables with our beloved family and friends and share what we are thankful for this year. We will probably express gratitude for the love that is in our life, our health, the roofs over our heads and many other blessings. The question is, when we get up from the table, what will we do with our appreciation? How will we live by our attitude of gratitude as Kennedy suggests?

I think walking out our gratitude is more than buying great holiday gifts for the people we love, sending out cards or baking cookies. It is more than enjoying the holiday season and receiving the feeling of goodwill. While all those are good, I think living a life of gratitude is about transforming our appreciation into motivation to help other people without expectation of anything in return.

I loved the 2000 movie “Pay it Forward” (click to see clip) which is about a young boy’s attempts to make the world a better place. His theory is if he does something really big to help 3 people, instead of them paying him back, they are to pay it forward and help three others. After spending my life as a idealist like this young boy, I know now that it is not in a single individual’s power to change the entire world. The problem is too big. BUT, it is possible to make a difference in the lives of those around us.

For example, a young boy finds a bunch of starfish on the beach. One by one he starts to throw them back. When asked why he is doing this, because there is no way he can help all of them, the boy simply says after throwing a starfish into the ocean, “It made a difference for that one.”

Enjoy your turkey and thank God for your health, family and friends. And every time you ponder your blessings, consider how you can pay it forward.

Happy Thanksgiving!

© Betsy Jordyn 2010. All rights reserved.

Click here to watch one of the best SNL skits EVER

One of the most hilarious Saturday Night Live skits is the one where Christopher Walken demands from the “Don’t Fear the Reaper” band (Blue Oyster Cult) that he needed more cowbell from Will Ferrell. I was watching this skit the other day with a good friend of mine who is an actor. When we finally got a hold of ourselves and wiped the tears from our eyes after laughing so hard, he explained that this was so funny because Christopher Walken was just so committed to his role. He further explained that this type of commitment is the secret behind why Jim Carrey is so funny. Whatever they do, they do it with their whole hearts and don’t worry about making fools of themselves. When this friend portrayed the Quasimodo in live stage show “Hunchback of Notre Dame”, multiple times a day for a number of years, he kept the show fresh because of his commitment to the part. He always looked for a new ways to bring this story to life.

It’s not just in the acting world that being committed to what you do brings about magnetic results. My friend and fellow consultant Pat Tith shares, “The President of Nike Mark Parker said, ‘We are at our best when we commit. We are not good at dabbling.’ Sounds like an effective business strategy.”

It seems like if you are going to do something, do it with your whole heart. Fear of failure or making a fool of yourself is a surefire way to ensure that you will. Next time you hold back, remind yourself, “I gotta have more cowbell…I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!!” Who knows what the response might be. It could be, “We gotta give him (or her) more cowbell!”

© Betsy Jordyn 2010. All rights reserved

This Cinderella finally made it to her first Ball. And Prince Charming has got nothing compared to the magnetic charm of my date. What a magical night!

I loved being a consultant for Walt Disney World because it gave me an opportunity to be a part of making magic for our Guests. The Guests would share what made them return to Disney time and time again was because for a moment when they were at the resort, the world was the way it should be. Safe. Connected. A part of something bigger. And for me, last night (despite the normal daily stresses of balancing work, children, home, relationships etc) was a taste of magic and the world the way it should be. Handsome men, beautiful women, gorgeous sunsets, amazing company…

My guess is that we don’t have to go to a Ball or to Disney to experience moments of magic. Perhaps when your child comes up to you and asks for a hug, that could be a magical moment. Or when your friend tells you how much you are loved and cared for. Maybe there are magical moments all around us and it is only when we take a stop and look, we can see them. Stars are always up in the sky. But it is the fireworks that grab our attention.

The world is no where near the way is supposed to be. There are too many evil people out there. There is poverty and illnesses of all kinds. But there are moments we get tastes of what is possible and for those of us who believe, what is eventual.

© Betsy Jordyn 2010. All rights reserved

I seriously have the best professional community in the world. The following process visual was inspired as a result of a conversation with Lisa Martin, a fellow consultant who lives up in Vancouver. She has a theory that people tend to have one of two dispositions towards people: givers and takers. As I pondered the brilliant simplicity of her idea, it hit me that we have predominant approach towards tasks: dreamers or doers. So, for those who know me well, of course, I turned this idea into a process visual (below).

Here’s my theory on this:

• The ideal place is in the middle. We need to be balanced in how we approach our tasks and how we relate to people.
• Our external actions need to be tempered by equal amounts of internal reflection. Ideas without implementation is nothing more than wishful thinking. Actions without thought are just a a lot of activity without meaningful and sustainable accomplishment.
• Healthy relationships have a ebb and flow between giving and taking. For example, for relational health you cannot have one person in the relationship doing all the giving and the other doing all the taking. Takers need to learn how to give and givers need to learn how to receive.
• Wherever we fall on this table, our personal health, our leadership effectiveness…our lives in general will improve as we move towards the middle.

So, this is my idea – hot off the presses. What do you think? Agree? Disagree?

© Betsy Jordyn 2010. All rights reserved

• Definition of risk: exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance.
• Definition of safety: the state of being safe; freedom from the occurrence or risk of injury, danger, or loss.

Taking no risks is safe in one sense but dangerous in another. Avoiding suffering or potential failure guarantees your ability to learn, love, change and grow will be severely stunted.

Risking failure and learning from it is the secret of success as seen in this video:

Failure: The Secret of Success

© Betsy Jordyn 2010. All rights reserved

I met with a prospective client who needs an executive coach to help a high potential leader address questionable ethical behaviors. I had lunch with a friend whose husband is abusive. He cries “foul” when she calls him controlling and abusive all the while continuing his bullying. I comforted a friend who has to make tough decisions with regards to his difficult child. In every scenario, the real question that was being asked of me was, “Can they change?” or “Is change possible?”

The real answer is maybe. Change is possible…only if the person in question really wants to change. Change begins and ends with both ownership of the behaviors that is causing harm to others and a strong desire, almost all consuming passion to change those behaviors.  Change also begins and ends with empathy – when care for how others have been damaged as a result of the harm that this individual has wrought over own personal reputation and personal success.

To determine if someone has the potential to change is dependent on what happens at the “stop sign.” The stop sign is when this person is confronted with feedback that what they are doing and how they are behaving is hurtful to others.

The “stop sign” provides two choices: continue with the way you are going and experience the inevitable negative consequences or turn your behavior around. There are no other options even if that person says they are sorry. Sorry without action and behavior change is worth no more than confederate money. You have to pay attention and very discerning especially if you get tears at this critical juncture. Are the tears more about feeling sorry for oneself for getting caught or deep remorse for failure to love others well? If the response if the former, it is likely that all you will get is lip service and short-term surface change, at best. However, if you get the latter, a magnificent life change is very possible.

Following are some indicators that your person in question is responding well to your “stop sign.”

1. Admits fully to the character issues and resulting choices without denial or minimization.
2. Acknowledges that the character issues and resulting choices were wrong unconditionally and offers no justifications.
3. Acknowledges that his or her behavior was a choice, not a loss of control or momentary lapse in judgment.
4. Recognizes the effect that the character issues and resulting choices have had on others and is willing to accept others’ disappointment and loss of trust in him or her.
5. Demonstrates empathy for the damage he or she has done without feeling self-pity.
6. Develops new behaviors to replace the ones he or she has displayed.
7. Makes amends for the damage done.
8. Accepts consequences for actions without whining.

If, on the other hand, your individual in question does not pay attention to the “stop sign,” you have to determine what difficult decisions you will make to guard your own heart and others around you.

There is nothing more amazing than redemption so always hope. But hope has to be balanced by truth and care for more than just this one person you hope will change. In the workplace, you have to guard your own time to invest in your other leadership priorities and the safety and morale of your team. If you are dealing with an abusive spouse, you have to consider the well-being of your children from the direct affects that your spouse may have on them and indirectly resulting from the loss of YOUR self-esteem.

If you have a filter of what it it looks like to move towards someone else in love, WHILE protecting your own heart and boundaries, you will make the right decision.

© Betsy Jordyn 2010. All rights reserved

Teacher Lydia Grant warned her students in the 1980 musical Fame, “You’ve got big dreams? You want fame? Well, fame costs. And right here is where you start paying … in sweat.”

I think the cost of fame is nothing compared to the cost of realness. Becoming real is the hard. But are there benefit that outweigh the costs?

The costs of the painful journey of becoming real include but are not limited to the following:

• Have to face the pain of our crap and issues. Have to grieve the losses that are in our story and have to face up to our dysfunctional styles of relating. Oh joy…
• Have to take responsibility for our failure to love others. Ouch…
• Have to own the fact that we may have spent more time posing and people pleasing than using our gifts and talents to the fullest. Now I am getting sick…
• Have to make really tough decisions in all aspects of our lives (personal, work, relational.) Now, I think this is the ultimate sweat payment…

And staying real has its own costs. You have an alive heart in a broken, fallen world. OUCH!

So, what are the benefits of becoming real?

• When you are real, you are present with yourself, the world, other people and your Creator. You are present to the joys of life and sorrows.
• When you are real, you are able to live out the truth of what is inside of you. You get to use your gifts to help and serve others and get the satisfaction of knowing you make a difference.
• When you are real, you can accept all parts of your story and know that in your heart it is okay to be broken, glorious mess. And when you do that, you invite others to do the same and as a result, we all can learn how to truly rest and dwell with one another in acceptance.

While those are amazing benefits that I long for in my life and to help others experience in their lives, I think the true ROI can be found in the costs of staying inauthentic. Yes, there is a cost to becoming real. But I am more afraid of the alternative. I am afraid of living a life with a dead heart that doesn’t know how to feel or connect with others. I am afraid of a life of masks and performance that keeps true intimacy and peace at a distance. I am so much more afraid of not using the gifts that God gave me and living a half-lived life. The cost of inauthenticity to me is staggering. I don’t want to die with a bunch of “what’s if’s” and “if only’s.”

“It’s my life,” Jon Bon Jovi sings. “It’s now or never. I aint going to live forever.” This is it. The is the only life we have. We are not cats. We do not have nine lives. Only one. I don’t want to squander mine. Do  want to live YOUR life, not the life that other’s expect of you or that you think you should want? If you do, join me on the journey towards becoming real. I promise you it will be painful because it hurts to alive in this broken world. But it will be exponentially better than the alternative.
© Betsy Jordyn 2010. All rights reserved

I spend a lot of my time professionally and personally helping people figure out who they are and what they are good at. My hope for others is that they can bring out more of who they are to the world. I believe in my core that when that happens, the world is a better place because we are helping each other with what we are good at and we get to experience the joy and satisfaction of using our strengths more and more. I want us all to have the experience that when we work, we feel like we are doing what we were made for. When we build a company, we know it is meeting unique needs that maybe the market hasn’t even expressed yet. I want us all to share in the experience of Olympic athlete Eric Liddel (portrayed in the movie Chariots of Fire) who was able to say, “When I run, I feel God’s pleasure.”

I have finally concluded that what I am doing is in essence real branding. I help people discover their real personal brands. Personal branding is in essence defining what promise you want to make and consistently deliver to the marketplace.

The process of defining a brand goes exponentially better (faster, more fun, etc.) when one fully appreciates and has a heart knowledge of the following 7 principles that I call the “Lucky 7.” I call them the “Lucky 7″ because when you really know you are, it is a gift and blessing.

The Lucky 7 Beliefs

7. I am being branded whether I like it or not. It is up to me to take control over my brand and resulting perceptions.

6. My future is not defined by or constrained by my past (failures, limitations in success, negative comments made to me.)

5. I am not defined by previous job titles or what I know.

4. I have core strengths and passions that can truly help others AND I am worth equitable compensation in return.

3. I cannot make up what I am good or what I want to be good at in order to create my brand. I have to discover my brand. But once I discover it, I can do a lot to make who I am more accessible to others.

2. I want to pursue living a life of congruence between who I am and what I do. No more masks. No more posing.

1. I want to live an abundant life (full and meaningful) and want to stop settling for less. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to be free.

How real do you want to be? How you answer that question will determine how effective your branding process will be and ultimately how successful and satisfied you will be with who you are and what you do.

© Betsy Jordyn 2010. All rights reserved

Today has been some day. My day began with helping my 7 year old who I swear thinks that either she is 17 or the boss of our home deal with her clothing dilemmas. Apparently I haven’t purchased the exact right clothes to meet her fashionista needs. After school drop off, I had a helpful albeit frustrating discussion with my professional mentor who had some insightful albeit difficult feedback. Then I rushed from one client to another. Went to the Apple store to learn more about my new computer. Haven’t stopped working until now because I have a proposal I have to present tomorrow. Intermittedly, I talked on the phone to prospects and a bit with friends. I am whipped.

When I finally stopped for a moment, had a glass of wine, I realized that I have so much to be grateful in the midst of the craziness of a day like today.

• I have children who at times may be frustrating and take a lot of my time and energy are the lights of my life and enrich me in so many ways
• I have a career that I love, that matches who I am, what I am passionate about and what I am good at
• I have clients. In this economy, I am quite blessed.
• My new client who is a beer distributor introduced me to what I am sure will be my new favorite beer. Now that is amazing.
• I have prospects/clients in the pipeline who are interested in what I have to offer.
• I have a professional mentor who challenges me regularly to grow.
• I have friends and people in my life whom I love.

Work is not always easy. Relationships can be hard. But this is what life is all about. The small stuff is the stuff that matters. The everyday challenges are what matters because that is life. That is what is real. Vacations are fun. But real life, as difficult as it can be, is the essence of what it means to be human.

So, thank you Lord, for the challenges of my day. I am grateful to be alive!

p.s. And to RW, DM, BM, KS, SW, AK, HK, JK, LB, CB, DW…so thankful to have you in my life!!