It’s December 31st. Time to reflect on 2010 and look forward to 2011. Want to make 2011 the best it can be? Here are a few tips for setting resolutions that you will actually keep.
1. Say goodbye to all the crap that was in 2010. Say goodbye to anything and everything that has brought you down and kept you from being all that you could be and are going to be. Say goodbye to unhealthy relationships, unhealthy styles of relating and unhealthy ways of thinking. Time to wipe the slate clean.
2. Hold on to the good that is in your life and the positive things that 2010 has brought to you. Have you experienced success in new ways? Are you experiencing new depth and intimacy in your relationships? If so, give thanks for the growth and take those new patterns into 2011.
3. Say hello to the possibilities that are in front of you. Do not let your past dictate your future. Embrace all that is good and become an authentic Braveheart. Go after that new business or job possibility, pursue taking your relationship to the next level, follow that dream. Do not let fear of failure or fear of getting hurt keep you down. It is a new day.
4. Set fewer goals for yourself. Pick three things that you want to accomplish and then do those three things to completion. And then pick another three things and do those. Progress is more important than perfection. Growth is about movement in the right direction – it is not a destination.
5. Speaking of perfection – be relentless in your eradication of perfectionism and shame. Pay attention to your thought life. Quickly take captive any thoughts that make you think that you have to do it all it all right to be worthy or successful. If you make a mistake, own it, take responsibility and move on. Guard your heart and mind from getting caught in the washing machine of shame.
To do this, you MUST understand and internalize the distinction between healthy and unhealthy guilt. Healthy guilt is about ownership of specific mistakes and failings. It is others-centered, arouses deep regret for both the action and how the action has hurt others and creates movement towards reconciliation. Unhealthy guilt is the opposite and actually masks ownership in a cloak of self-centerered self-pity. Unhealthy guilt stirs the emotions to churn in self-destructive depression and despair. Unhealthy guilt while looking like regret is really avoidance and thus causes personal and emotional paralysis.
If you make a mistake with your job or business, own it, learn from it, take responsibility and do it differently the next time. If you hurt your friend, spouse or children, don’t sit there feeling that you are a terrible (fill in the blank.) Consider the person you harmed and do what you can to make amends. The cost of shame is staggering in terms of personal productivity and relational intimacy.
Happy New Year! May 2011 be the best one yet!!
© Betsy Jordyn 2010. All rights reserved.